(Im also not sure you can un-yoke controlling from its pejorative overtones, given that most of us have plenty of things wed require partners not do and we dont call ourselves controllingits always something somebody else does.). A spare hour or two could be spent at an adult themed entertainment show or casino, and that can honestly spiral. Also, sometimes its exhausting to argue with an anxiety sufferer and you end up agreeing to get out of the discussion. Lets not give credibility to LWs spouse by arguing the matter of whether its really dangerous, or whether he has reasons to believe she will have an affair. Rooms were kinda cheap, and Im sure the convention center was cheap. Security at casinos is greater than that at Fort Knox. He could use some time and a space where he could work through these anxieties with a therapist who could help him think of ways to handle them better. Answer (1 of 11): I do not care why he does it! Husband Doesn't Want to Come with the Family on Vacation w/o massage $45, pools, hot tubs, steam, sauna, nibbles. The kidnapping angle *might make sense if it wasnt Vegas but, say, Tijuana. Not all of the counties decided to legalize it, and as a result there is no legal prostitution in Las Vegas or Reno. Note to the Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Bureau. *thumbs up, fistbump, etc*, This comment got away from me a bit, Im sorry for that. Embarrassing Family Photos Make It Hard To Look Away Forget $200, I once needed to add a night to my reservation at the Rio last minute.it was $20. Marriage counseling is fine, but this sounds like HIS problem, and I think he needs to work on that himself if youre going to get anywhere. Chances are the same thing would have happened in New York or San Francisco or wherever. This was my impression as well lodging, food, and entertainment is easy to get in Vegas, and (I would imagine) relatively less expensive than, say, a retreat in Napa. Ah, but you have a job, and Im guessing are presumably a more equal breadwinner in your household. Another is that hes questioning the companys motives. I think part of this relates back to a topic thats come up here before: people who dont travel for work think its fun but the people who do travel for work spend the whole time in meetings, seminars, conferences, and never get to explore whatever city theyre in. I have no problem with him going to week-long management training or long weekends away for bachelor parties. Hes disabled, finds it extremely difficult to cook for himself, and suffers from anxiety, and he doesnt like me going on business trips. PS: My third period class, mostly high-functioning autism cases, is split. husband doesn t want to go on family vacationcynon valley history. In that case, marriage counseling is great. I dont know if this is a sexist response from jealousy? I hope they can find a solution. I travel for work a lot, and quite often to Vegas people have conventions and meetings in Vegas because (1) the attendees generally like it and (2) there are a lot of hotels and meeting space. No constant phone calls/other distractions.) The kind of overwhelming, intrusive anxiety postulated here is still a control issue, 100%. Vegas! When she would call back, he would accuse her of having left the office to sleep with someone else. Once I was done baby would go back into his seat until the next time. Nope. My SO has been to more conferences in Vegas than I think anywhere else because of the ease with which hotel rooms can be acquired. I could care less about gambling and night time shenanigans. My SO and I ate there in 2013, and he STILL sighs and says, That was a good burger, whenever Las Vegas is mentioned. Married people travel for work all the time, even to cities with a greater-than-their-fair-share amount of vices around, and they typically behave responsibly and stay faithful. This giant conference centers attached to hotels are a dime a dozen in Vegas, tons of flights from everywhere around the country go to Vegas and there are always deals on those flights, it just honestly makes sense to plan conferences and business trips to Vegas, especially if theyre for very large events. I know that you arent the one with the issue, but just letting you know. If yes, how does he handle those trips? This captures so much of what anxiety sufferers like my wife go through and what spouses like myself have to find a way to work through with their partner. The conference hall manager looked at my colleaguewho requested a kosher meallike they were crazy. That is the problem. I think this is a little parochial, in fact. Nothing to do with trust, we just wouldnt want Vegas tarnished by work! Yeah theres a mosque and an Islamic centre, but Ive been into both for visit my mosque day and the imam was happy to talk to me (a white non-religious woman) and everyone was very nice and gave us snacks, so yeah. Agree with the high level of security even on the streets. Ahh, I was wondering where he found all these friends. Yes, we were taking advantage of the fact that 19/20 year olds can go to the pub in the UK, but we were still hanging out with the professor while we did so. (Be prepared to be as fair-minded when it is your . We are often there and then take the metro across town to the apartment where we stay at midnight. :D. There is nothing unwholesome about Vegas and plenty of reputable companies send their employees there for conferences because the city is set up for it with numerous transportation, hotel and food options. Forbidding is a different story). Pricey, but worth it! Lots to see and do. You dont have to have cause to break up with someone! So, later this year I am going on a two-week hiking trip with a couple of friends one of whom is a man, even! If you on a long car ride or your baby simply just doesn't like a car seat you obviously aren't going to stop every 5 or 10 min to take baby out and soothe him so you do it in the car as long as someone else is driving. For example, Fiance didnt want me to take night classes for my certification because the parking lot had a lot of trees and shrubs where predators could hideand there were a lot of guys taking these classes. Thanks for weighing in, Working Wife; were on your side, and we hope you can resolve this. They are for sure marketing themselves as a place you can party it up (and you certainly can do that) but again, thats not unwholesome in and of itself. Wow. Display any widget here. When I was a teen, she wouldnt even let me walk the dog around our boring, gated community if it was dark out. ); (2) You and Marcus could try to pay your own way; or (3) You could commence the sticky process of negotiating a patchwork-payment . Expect it to hurt, though, and to feel guilty over it. I have a 3 yr old, almost 2 yr old, and 2 month old. Yeah, this. Then maybe, if you can swing it, a weekend trip there for the two of you would be a good idea? Many people we know (work, friends, sometimes family) just cant wrap their head around the fact that we dont need to be joined at the hip 24/7 and that were not jealous. And my husband was completely fine with it. I mean, we really cant say from the letter which it is, but its so easy to read into it either anxiety or controlling/toxic depending on what weve personally experienced. Good points. or is it not? In THAT case, that is a super not-normal response, and its very strange that theres a whole group of people who support this thinking. Honestly, it feels awful. Or I can save you the time and point out that I characterized him as jealous and controlling, and never used the word yall seem determined to stick in my mouth. Also have casinos on boats. You can find prostitution and gambling in lots of cities, large and small, if youre looking for temptation. And plenty of men there without their wives. But, sometimes there are letters that just make me want to scream. And while anxiety is common, abuse is even more so. There are plenty of restaurants and even the pickiest co-workers can settle on a dinner location. And Hunter Thompson and Oscar Acosta are dead anyway. Im going to Vegas and thats the end of discussion. From the outside, his train of thought is totally irrational. Just those who DO think its abuse should be aware that when they think that, the best thing to suggest is individual not joint therapy. Not the least of which is that the people involved all made that choice for themselves there was no issues of someone letting or not. You just have to stop a lot--especially if you EBF. Yeah, Vegas can be a skeezy place but I havent found it to be any worse than LA, Nashville, Cincinnati, New York, Seattle, Boston, or any of the other cities Ive been to. You (and a therapist) would know better. The whole city is like a giant theme park for adults. This screams abuser and it will only get worse. Sorry not sorry. Its not really a fun place to go for work. But thats true everywhere, and you can easily avoid said trouble by, you know, not doing something stupid. Her hotel room was amazing, and Im pretty sure it had a little museum in that hotel too. my husband has his guy trip (fishing) this year i took a weekend with my mom. If you can get that sort of perspective before the trip, that would be great. Telling your partner that you really need to focus on work for three days should not be a big deal (barring really big exacerbating circumstancesI need to focus on work, so Im skipping your mothers funeral, have fun! would be much more fraught, of course). In which case OP should divorce his sorry ass posthaste, because those guys are genuinely dangerous and also do not deserve companionship. If I had to plan something like this myself, itd be at the top of my list for a lot of very practical reasons. From so many comments above, what people are missing here is that none of us knows whether the LWs husband is an anxiety sufferer or a control freak. Say to yourself something like, I am not a therapist, and even if I were, it would be unethical and impossible for me to treat someone Im in a relationship with. Theres a lot of pressure on family to be carers and therapists and *everything* someone needs its not possible, its often harmful give yourself permission to skip that mess. So much wow. Your husband is way overreacting and yall need to figure out why. Right? Sometimes walking away is the only thing you can do. Not from the letter and not from the follow ups. About 3 months in (together 3 years now), I went for a very long walk, in a not-well-lit, bad sidewalks area, as I was used to doing. There are some cultures where marriage is really about the blending of two families. We also were both active-duty for the first couple years we were together. A few years back my older sister went to LV on a business trip with others. My husband gets nervous whether Im traveling for business or just about town (granted, Im not the best driver). We dont know enough about how the spouse acts in other scenarios to draw larger conclusions. couch their controlling tendencies as worry and concern, because they know their victims will want to soothe and appease them, because they are just super nice worry-wart spouses who just really, truly, are so *concerned*. Fortunately, he wouldnt even ask because, (1) jeez, who needs survey results to help you navigate your marriage? You could walk up to the bar to order a drink and tell that person you need some assistance and they are on it in seconds. Whether anxiety is a contributing factor or not, thats all it is. But not wholesome. She thought surely I would be kidnapped in the dark parking lot. I only want to know if hes going to be out so that Im not expecting him and can therefore do something else. I was /thisclose/ to emigrating to another continent at one point, tbh. And (2) hes not paranoid, controlling or insecure. I find her a little insane in terms of worrying. Im talking a hotel on Wall Street, just a block or two from the NYSE, and one literally around the corner from the White House. Its just easier to non-committally agree with someone, especially when their view is bananas, than to get into a row with them and get involved in their marital issues. I wouldnt be surprised if it were like 2 people. My mom believes that her quiet suburban neighborhood and my own are overrun by prowling sex offenders when the sun goes down. You cant expect someone with a broken leg to ski down a mountain; you cant expect someone in an irrational state of fear to behave in a reasonable manner *in the moment*. Its a lot different than when I first went in 1989, but even then it was quite suitable (ideal, actually) for a business conference. I worked 100 hours in 8 days. It comes across as so controlling. She should set a boundary around this type of thing because it gets out of hand. I still tease her about it. That doesnt strike me as weird at all. The only time my husband would object to a business trip of this kind is if I had to fund it myself or if it was a conflict to another event on our calendar (wedding or family vacation). This is OPs husbands issue, not hers. So I understand, at some level, where the husband is coming from when he thinks about these horrible things happening to his spouse. What do you think of the trip? Things to consider!! Can you believe it? Of course people can get into trouble in Las Vegas. We have friend who live in a neighborhood of Paris which Fox news publicized as a no go zone because of all those Muslims and Sharia Law and such. But because a good counselor will see that there is no point and dismiss the couple. Vegas is one of the cheapest options with the best meeting facilities. Id say the chances are > 50% that this guy never asked anyone anything. Im just going to drop in some ideas and some strategies that have worked for me. Business trips (and business trips to Las Vegas even) are such a normal part of work life that is is totally bizarre to expect you not to go simply because of the destination. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation Husband may be dealing with separation anxiety, and instead of communicating that, is using Las Vegas Im just going to share my experience if it doesnt fit, let it roll off your back. I accidentally ended up at a naked sex drug party once, quite to my own embarrassment, but that was in Akron, Ohio. He easily sleeps 4 hours. Im not judging one way or another Im simply suggesting that you look at your relationship through a bigger lens than just this trip. However, Im not sure if this is the crux of the LWs issue since her husband clearly said that he has a problem with the what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas mentality. And when your husband does things like that, why would you choose him over anything else? Same here. But not the end of the world. Its not about what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, its about Vegas has made themselves a very strong event destination, and that includes for regular businesses.. And yeah, if one doesnt leave the primary resort where the conference is, almost zero worry of bad experiences/people. She wrote: His main objection is the fact that the trip is located in Las Vegas. Not like us isnt automatically the same thing as toxic.. (Is he really afraid you will be kidnapped or is he being hyperbolic to try to convince you to stay?). Its natural to want to care for your partner. By in linseneintopf mit kartoffeln. Take the same approach; its a problem affecting you both that you both want to fix. I do have anxiety and PTSD from my days in the army. You need to do this to protect your relationship, because frequent anger is corrosive and damaging. Unless OP has a history of partying hard and getting black-out drunk (which doesnt seem to be the case), I think theres little to worry about here. Later I saw an art exhibit. Im betting its either a case of asking leading questions, an over-reporting of the amount of agreement received, or hearing more agreement than was actually being expressed on the part of OPs husband. I lived in Ottawa, our nations capital and it all suburbs and boring. You won't have to look over, sideways, and under to find out when new Magic Key sales will be open again. Iasked ifI could come. Marriage counseling is the only way you save this. So maybe the husband should only attempt to veto conferences in the Midwest? There is no one in his family who lives near us. I just love when you have the oh you too? moment with strangers on the internet. In Amish country. And have been wanting to take the Grand Canyon tour. Just on the wholesomeness scale, it tries way harder to be cool older brother than, say, Omaha or Iowa City. Their convention centers are clean, there are plenty of facilities for customer parties, etc. This is about control. Life is short. Just my two cents. Its definitely a huge red flag that your husband takes a winky tongue-in-cheek ad campaign that seriously. I know this is way off-topic, but deplane is a horrendous word. Ill let my boss know that Ill need to leave work a bit early those days so I can get the kids from daycare., If it were my wife, my response would be Have fun Watch the lights in the sky to the north at night.,and Dont try to bet on 37 at roulette.. When the plans were being made hubby was not over excited but was ok with it. At that point, the OP has some really solid information far more useful and on point than anything that the internet commentariate can provide her. Good luck, Emma. This is more his problem than yours. I lounge by the pool, eat really good food, order wines not available in my area. Yeah, there were some shady businesses. I am the main provider in our home, and it angers me that it seems he wants to sabotage my job because of his insecurities. Overnight somewhere then do the same thing the next day. I dont let him go on trips because we dont manage each others lives like that, but I do support his career and any travel that entails even if its stressful for me. On the one hand, youd have to be very clear that hed be on his own while youre in all those meetings/conferences/etc and that you cant spend that time with him but, on the other hand, it may be worthwhile to relieve his stress and anxiety. It sounds like he may possibly have an anxiety disorder of some type. That said, in order to see them, we either have to travel to see them or they have to travel to see us. But they are the obvious two and also both hot-button topics on this forum. My husband has been in counseling and on medication for his mental health. Yes, they pay for his airfare and, if necessary, the difference in the hotel room rate and they dont spend that much time together, but they spend *some* time together and are at least getting to see each other for some part of the day.). But in her mind, as another comment perfectly said, as soon as the sun sets, everyone is a drunk driving, human trafficking, drug kingpin. Not that it makes it ok, at all. I asked three people: Me, myself, and I. Maybe OP married him? Whatever the cause, a therapist will best equipped to help. And I recognize that this is 100% My Problem and I need to adapt my behaviour to deal with it. On the other hand, the OP could surely use some help in setting some reasonable boundaries and communicating as effectively as possible in the circumstances.

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